I have had a few different titles and roles in my life, pastor, reverend, spiritual director, chaplain, doctor. Of all of them, the one that I am most proud is Dad/Papa/Grandpa. If you do not know me from Adam, I have eleven children, six sons/daughters in law, and fifteen, soon to be sixteen grandchildren. Along with my wife Karen, these are my greatest loves and joys on this whole earth. Proverbs 17:6 says the following: “Grandchildren are the crown of the aged, and the glory of children is their fathers.” This speaks of the importance of our families to our lives.

Proverbs verse 7, also speaks of the importance of family: “The righteous who walks in his integrity—blessed are his children after him!” (Proverbs 20:7). Growing up in the United States I have been exposed to important words like freedom. As a person who has spent the majority of my life in more conservative institutions I have been surrounded by ideas of “rugged individualism.” Since the emergence of neoliberalism in the 1970’s there has been this ongoing emphasis of personal responsibility. I grew up when the threat of Communist expansion was at a high point. Being surrounded by that cultural mindset it is easy to drift over into hyper-individualism. But is this what the Bible teaches?

There is a sense in which ultimately we are all responsible for the decisions that we make in life. If I make the decision to sin, I am the one who is answerable to God for my sin. I can’t say “it was my parents' fault” or “it was my wife’s fault”. If you go back to the beginning of the Bible and the story of Adam and Eve in the garden, you can see how quick everyone was to try to shift the blame onto someone else. Adam famously tried to blame Eve, (or was he really blaming God?) “This woman that you made, she gave me the fruit”. The woman in turn blamed the serpent. God was having none of it.

A clear spiritual principle of the Bible is- each individual is accountable for their sins. Ezekiel 18:19-20 spells it out in very clear terms: “Yet you say, ‘Why should not the son suffer for the iniquity of the father?’ When the son has done what is just and right, and has been careful to observe all my statutes, he shall surely live. The soul who sins shall die. The son shall not suffer for the iniquity of the father, nor the father suffer for the iniquity of the son. The righteousness of the righteous shall be upon himself, and the wickedness of the wicked shall be upon himself.”

You could have the most wonderful, godly, spiritual parents in the world, but you do not automatically get to ride their coattails into the Kingdom of God. Once you reach a place of accountability, you alone are responsible for your commitment to follow Jesus Christ, or not. There are no legacy Christians. At the opposite extreme, you might have had the worst parents in all the world and suffered abuse or deprivation, maybe they never taught you about God or brought you to Sunday School or Vacation Bible School. You are still responsible when you grow to maturity. There are many people who came from terrible childhoods with not good parental spiritual support who meet Jesus Christ and allow him to transform their lives. From a spiritual/legal accountability standpoint, you are ultimately responsible for your sins and accepting Jesus Christ and following him.

Having said all of that, let me also say that we do NOT live only for ourselves. All of my children are now adults and they are accountable to God, but as a parent, I am accountable to God for how I parent my children. This was a clear principle give to God’s people, Israel from a very early time. Deuteronomy 6:6-7 says: “And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise.” Parents are instructed by God to diligently instruct their children in the teachings of God.

It became fashionable in the 1960’s in America for parents to say “I’m not going to impose my religious faith and values on my children. I’ll let them decide for themselves.” That is one of the stupidest ideas in the history of ideas. The world is constantly trying to impose its values on children. It begins with some of the baby books designed to be read to babies and toddlers, children’s television shows, childhood education in schools, social media, the music and entertainment industry, advertising, their peers etc…Everyone tries to impose their values on children, especially those who try to tell parents not to impose their values on children. God says to parents, you have got to start indoctrinating (aka teaching good doctrine to) your children with God’s teaching from the time they are small. Talk about God and God’s teachings to your children all day long.

I’m writing to some of you who are now or soon expect to be parents, and even for you younger ones, file this away so that if you do become a parent you will remember it. How you live your life and how faithfully you teach your children will have a major influence on them. Proverbs 22:6 says that we should “train up a child in the way he (she) should go”. Should is a word that contains judgment. You need to decide what is right and wrong in God’s word and you need to train your child to adopt those same values. There is no 100% guarantee that you will be successful and that your children will choose to follow your training and God’s Word when they grow up, but you can do all that is in your power to set them up for success.

I was blessed with a mother and father who loved God, brought me to Church throughout my childhood, practiced prayer in the home and demonstrated their faith in God and taught me to do the same. Were they perfect? No, no parent is. But they helped to prepare me to choose to live a life of faith as an adult. Did I have failures and setbacks in living as a follower of Jesus. Absolutely. I am 100% responsible for my sinful choices both as a teenager and now as a 60-year-old man. But I have been the blessed recipient of having had parents of faith. I have tried to pass along those benefits to my children. Was I a perfect Dad? Are you kidding? I have eleven eyewitnesses who could tell you stories about some of the stupid and sinful stuff that their dad has done. (Good thing they have a really good mom). And yet, I hope that I was able to teach and model faith to my children diligently, and continue to try to live out my faith today (I think I’ve gotten a little better at figuring out how to be a good dad as I’ve gotten older). Now, some of them are parents and having to navigate the same thing in their lives. Now they are responsible for how they parent their children.

Sorry, but when you stand before the Lord, you can’t blame your parents for your sinful choices, you are responsible. You are also responsible for how you parent any children God gives you, and you can help to better set them up for spiritual success by teaching them diligently God’s Word, until the time that they themselves are accountable to God. Faith is learned and lived in a community. We are responsible for how we live it in our families, in our churches, and in our world.